My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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