my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
me + whiskey = a bad person
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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