it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Randomize
