That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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