I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
