Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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