I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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