I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
