at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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