If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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