What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We are all done wearing pants today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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