oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
