She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
