Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
