Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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