Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize