I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
