is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
