No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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