Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
