you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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