who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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