So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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