Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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