My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
