Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize