No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
