Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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