I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Your penis caused this!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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