How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
