i was born a porn star she said
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
