dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
