had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize