Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
