Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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