I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
