covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
