My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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