Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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