3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
