Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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