running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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