She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You pole danced in your parka.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
