its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
