Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize