yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
