My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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