Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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