If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize