my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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