Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
