u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize