don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
