Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
