Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
