He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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