I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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