On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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