Got a toothbrush?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
