I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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