angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
