dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
