Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize