Please, let me fuck your mom
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
