From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I did not marry a roomba.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
