i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she peed on how many people?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
