I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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